Standing on the Edge of Goodbye
by trace619
Summary: Alex finds out something startling from Olivia. Can Alex fix things, and is there still time to fix them? Sorry story better than summary. one shot.


Here's a new story it's based on the country song Standing on the Edge of Goodbye. I heard it for the first time in years on my way to work the other morning and it just stuck in my head. I don't own anything. As always reviews are welcome. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

Alex walked into the apartment sighing as she kicked her shoes off. Her most recent case had been slowly draining her and she couldn't wait for it to be over. She sat her bag on the coffee table and collapsed on the couch. She looked around for any sign of Olivia being home but didn't see any. It seemed like Olivia hadn't been home much lately but of course Alex wouldn't really know considering how much she had been working as well. She was just about to fall asleep when she heard the door open and Olivia walk into the room. "Hey"

"Hey" Olivia replied.

Alex opened her eyes and looked at her girlfriend, she looked tired. There was also another look in her eyes only Alex couldn't quite place what it was.

"So I was thinking since we haven't seen each other much lately that we could go out for dinner tonight" Olivia said as she sat on the edge of the couch.

"I don't know Liv I'm really tired" Alex said with a yawn.

Olivia sighed "Okay well how about we order in. Maybe watch a movie or just relax in the tub for a while?"

"I don't know I'm really tired. This case is killing me"

"I know you're tired. If you want you can go lay down and I'll give you a massage maybe that will help" Olivia said. If Alex had been paying attention she would've noticed the desperation in her girlfriend's voice.

"That sounds nice but I think I'm just going to have a glass of wine and go to bed"

Olivia got up and left the room. Alex went to the kitchen and downed a glass of wine and then went to their bedroom. She was surprised when she saw Olivia's side of the bed was still made and the pillow was missing also. She walked into the living room and saw Olivia lying on the couch.

"What are you doing on the couch?" Alex asked a little surprised.

"I'm gonna sleep here" Olivia said, barely looking up.

"Why?" Alex asked. She was confused and began thinking over her day trying to figure out what she might have done to cause Olivia to want to sleep on the couch. In the four years they had been together, two of them living together, they only slept on the couch if they were angry or the other was sick.

"What's it matter Alex?" Olivia sighed as she continued to stare at the wall and not look at Alex.

"What do you mean 'What's it matter?' it matters to me"

This comment brought Olivia off the couch "Does it Alex? Really? Since when does it matter to you?"

Alex stood there shocked for a moment she couldn't figure out what had Olivia so upset but the look in her eyes said she was clearly upset. "It always has Liv. I love you and if something is bothering you then it matters to me"

"You sure have a funny way of showing it"

"What does that mean?" Alex was having trouble following what Olivia was saying.

"Alex I don't know what I did but I'm sorry for whatever it was. I love you and I wish I knew what I did, or am still doing, so you would stop pushing me away" Olivia said with tears in her eyes.

"Olivia you didn't do anything and I'm not pushing you away. I've just been dealing with a rough case lately" Alex said as she took Olivia's hand.

Olivia pulled her hand away "Alex this hasn't started recently, it's been going on for a while. I feel like you are pushing me away. If you really want me to leave just come out and say it" she was crying openly now.

Alex felt the tears in her eyes; she would never want Olivia to leave. "Olivia I'm sorry if I've made you feel that way, but I don't want you to leave. I just sometimes have difficulty dealing with things, sometimes it's easier to bottle those feelings up rather than share"

"See that's the thing Alex, you push me to share things with you and I do sometimes it's things I don't want to share but I do. I let you tear down my walls and see the real me, my dark side and all. I just want to be able to do for you what you do for me, but I can't when you push me away" Olivia took a deep, steadying breath before continuing "Alex this is slowly killing me. I can't eat, I can't sleep. I love you so much that sometimes it's hard to breathe. I've been breaking down and crying because I don't know what has happened to us or why. Alex something has got to change because I can't take it much longer" Olivia wiped the tears from her eyes and sighed "Alex as much as I hate to say this I'm on the edge of saying goodbye"

Alex was certain that her heart had just stopped. She stared at Olivia for a moment and she saw the same look in her eyes from earlier only now she knew what it was, it was defeat. She couldn't even fathom how it would feel if Olivia left her. Olivia was her whole world. "Please don't Olivia. I love you" Alex was now crying as much as Olivia was.

Olivia walked over to Alex and took her hand "Alex this is completely up to you. I love you and can't imagine my life without you, but I can't keep on living like this. So it's your call if you want me here with you I'll stay but if you're going to keep pushing me away I'm going to have to leave" Olivia placed a kiss on Alex's cheek and turned toward the door.

Alex was shaking and could barely breathe "Where are you going?"

"I'm going for a walk, I need to think. I might just stay in the cribs tonight" and with that she was out the door.

Alex stood there in silence for a moment hoping Olivia would come back in. When she realized she wasn't it was all she could do to manage the few steps to the couch before collapsing. She grabbed Olivia's pillow and held it close as she let the tears fall. She thought about what Olivia had said; had she been pushing her away? If she had she didn't mean to. All Alex knew was that she had to fix this; she couldn't bear the thought of Olivia leaving. Olivia was her everything. She reached out for the photo album that was on the coffee table and pulled it to her. She lay back on Olivia's pillow so she could still inhale her scent, and opened the album. The tears began all over again as she looked at the photos that spanned their relationship. There was a picture from their first date. It was a photo strip from a photo booth. They were walking through Times Square when Olivia suddenly pulled her in to the booth. Alex giggled when Olivia said it would be fun and put her money in the machine. Alex looked down the strip the last photo was her favorite. She was smiling at the camera and Olivia had leaned over and placed a kiss on her cheek. She flipped a few more pages and came across a picture from their first Christmas together. She had talked Olivia in to coming to her parents' house with her and she was surprised when Olivia had agreed. The picture was taken in front of the tree Olivia had her arms around Alex's waist and Alex had her hands wrapped around Olivia's arms. Both were smiling like they never had before.

She flipped through more pages, the tears falling faster as she did. One of the last pictures was one of her favorites. It was from the previous summer and she and Olivia had managed to get the Fourth of July weekend off. They invited Casey to go along and they headed up to Alex's parents' home in the Hampton's. Her parents were out of town and not using the house so Alex took advantage of it. The picture had been taken without their knowledge but Casey said when she saw them she had to take it. They were standing on the deck locked in a passionate kiss as the sun was coming up over the ocean behind them. To this day the picture would bring tears to her eyes; she could feel their love for each other coming through the photo. It only made her cry more. She was determined to keep Olivia no matter what it took.

Alex got up and dug her phone from her bag. She sent Olivia a quick message.

Olivia I love you and I'm going to fix this. Love Alex

She went and changed clothes and went to the kitchen. She was attempted to fix her a bite to eat but just couldn't eat. She went back to the living room and picked up her phone and Olivia's pillow before heading to their bedroom. She lay down on the bed, pulling Olivia's pillow close, and checked her phone. There was no message from Olivia. She didn't really expect one she knew sometimes Olivia needed to think, but she had hoped to hear something from Olivia. Alex lay in bed and stared at the closet. She pictured her winter coat where she had hid the engagement ring, since it was spring she knew Olivia wouldn't find it. She began crying all over again when she thought about how while she was planning on asking Olivia to marry her Olivia was contemplating leaving her because she felt like that's what Alex wanted. Alex sighed and picked up her phone and pressed speed dial one. She waited while the phone rang, eventually going to voicemail. The sound of Olivia's voice made the tears fall even faster. Alex took a deep breath before leaving her message "Olivia baby it's me. Please come home. If you don't want to sleep with me I understand, I'll take the couch or the guest room you can have our bed. I truly am sorry for what I've done, I didn't even realize I was doing it, but I want to make this right. Please don't stay in the cribs tonight I want, no I need you here. Please I'm willing to do whatever it takes for however long it takes. All I want is you. Please come home. I love you"

Alex rolled over and looked at the time it was a little past midnight. She had been in bed for a couple hours but couldn't sleep; all she could do was cry. She understood what Olivia had said about not being able to sleep or eat and crying. Only Alex wasn't crying because of something Olivia did to her, she was crying because of what she did to Olivia and the fact that it drove Olivia to the edge of leaving her. She rolled back over and curled herself around Olivia's pillow. She had lost herself in her thoughts of their relationship and was surprised when she heard the bedroom door open. She looked back to see Olivia standing in the doorway. Alex sat up in the bed and leaned against the headboard as Olivia made her way over to her "Hey" Alex said as she tried to wipe the tears from her eyes.

"Hey" Olivia said as she sat down on the edge of the bed.

They both sat there in silence for a minute before Alex reached out and took Olivia's hand "I'm glad you came home" Olivia just nodded. Alex had so much she wanted to say she just didn't know where to start. Alex slid over closer to Olivia and held her hand tighter "Olivia I am so sorry for what I've done. I didn't even realize I was doing it, and I know that's no excuse. I'm not trying to use it as one either. I'm just not used to opening up so much to someone"

Olivia looked up with tears in her eyes and noticing the tears in Alex's as well "Do you think I am? I've never had anyone that I felt comfortable enough around to completely open up. You know things about me that I never thought I'd share. You push and push to get me to talk about things and not bottle them up, and yet you can't open up to me" Olivia took a deep breath "It just hurts Alex. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. It hurts to think that you don't love me or trust me enough tell me when something's bothering you"

Alex reached out and pulled Olivia to her and held her tightly. It was ripping her heart out to think that she had made Olivia feel that way. "Baby I am so sorry. I am so sorry I've made you feel that way. I love you more than anything or anyone and I can't imagine my life without you in it. I'm going to fix this, fix us. Please tell me it's not too late" Alex was practically begging at this point and she knew if she had to get on her hands and knees for the rest of their lives and beg Olivia to forgive her she would gladly do it.

Olivia pulled back so she could look at Alex, both had red eyes and tear stained faces but Olivia still thought Alex was the most beautiful person she had ever laid her eyes on. Olivia knew she could never love anyone the way she loved Alex "I can't imagine my life without you either" she sighed "I know I said earlier that I was on the verge of walking away, but I really don't want to do that. I want us to fix this. We were close to the edge but I don't think it's too late"

Alex smiled and choked out a sob as she pulled Olivia to her again "That's all I needed to hear. I promise you I'm going to make this right. I'm going to stop pushing you away and I'm going to show you how much you truly mean to me" Alex looked at Olivia and leaned in closer to her she wanted to kiss her but she didn't know if Olivia would want her to "Can I kiss you?" Alex said in a cautious tone.

Olivia gave her a small smile and whispered "You never need to ask me that" as she leaned in and pressed their lips together. Both began crying again and could taste the other's tears.

When Alex finally pulled away she smiled at Olivia "I'll understand if you don't want to but would you please sleep in here with me tonight? I just want you to hold me"

Olivia stood and changed into a shirt to sleep in "I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be" she crawled into bed and wrapped her arms around Alex and sighed.

Alex shuttered to think how close she had come to losing this. She took hold of Olivia's hand and pulled Olivia's arm tighter around her "You're not on call this weekend are you?"

"No thank God"

Alex leaned back and smiled at Olivia "Tomorrow's Friday and I don't have court. What do you say you call the captain and take a personal day and we'll head up to the Hampton's for the weekend? It'll be just us, no work interfering and we can work on us"

"I think I'd like that" Olivia said as the settled back down and curled in closer to Alex.

Alex had begun to fall asleep but managed to tell Olivia one more thing "We're going to be okay. I love you"

Olivia nuzzled the back of Alex's neck "I know we are and I love you too"

* * *

It had been nearly two months since that night that Alex nearly lost Olivia and things had greatly improved. Alex had learned to open up and tell Olivia what was bothering her. They were more open with each other than they had ever been and it had only made their relationship stronger. Alex looked over at Olivia sitting in her chair on the balcony. Alex had decided they needed a vacation and they were currently spending a week at a resort in Hawaii. They were only a few days into their vacation and already Olivia was more relaxed than Alex had ever seen her. It had been a rainy day so they had spent the day in bed making love and Alex couldn't think of a better way to spend the day. The rain had finally passed giving them a perfect sunset. Alex knew she wasn't going to have a more perfect moment. She reached into her bag beside her and pulled out the ring box that had been hiding in her winter coat. She turned to Olivia and smiled "I love you"

Olivia smiled back "I love you too"

"I don't think you realize how much I do love you though. When I thought I was about to lose you it felt like someone was ripping my heart out. I couldn't breathe and I knew I could never live without you. You are my whole world, no one had ever loved me the way you do" she noticed the tears in Olivia's eyes and how they began to fall quicker when Alex stood from her chair and knelt down on one knee in front of Olivia. She smiled when Olivia gasped as she realized what was about to happen. "Olivia I love you more than I could ever say and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Would you give me the privilege of calling you my wife? Will you marry me?"

Olivia began nodding before finally being able to speak "Yes, yes Alex I'd love to marry you"

Alex slid the diamond ring on Olivia's finger before standing and pulling Olivia up for a passionate kiss. She pulled back and looked at her fiancé, she had a fiancé she could barely believe it. Olivia was hers and they were spending the rest of their lives together. Alex knew they were standing on the edge of a wonderful future together.


End file.
